My Mother-in-Law Causes a Huge Amount of Vacation Stress for my Family

Dear Leanne,

I am so stressed out thinking about our upcoming summer vacation. We always have to take my Mother-in-Law which is infuriating.

She always needs to be the center of attention and if she’s not she’ll do something to make all of our family members focus on her.

Vacation time feels like ‘take care of Grama time’. It’s exhausting.

Last year we were all having a great day on a rented boat. My mother-in-law, at 76, didn’t eat and drank beer all day. She then proceeded to need help talking, walking and at one point she fainted.

She does it on purpose. We tell her to eat and drink water but she refuses.

What should I do? 

Sincerely,

Dreading Vacation

Dear Dreading Vacation, 

I guess my first reaction to your question is ‘what the hell’.  WHY do you HAVE to take your Mother-in-Law on vacation.  This is something to think about. 

Should She Be Invited

If she ruins all your vacations then what’s the point of taking her? Maybe your partner has a brother or sister who can look after her while you’re gone as a family. She may be mentally ill thus no vacation (unless properly medicated) is going to be without incident.

Boundaries and Rules

If the circumstances of her coming cannot be changed then here are two of the best ways to deal with it.

• Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries.  You tell her before you go out for the day what the rules are.  In addition, tell her the consequences for breaking the rules.

For instance,  she is not allowed to have a drink until she has eaten and had some water. 

Another example is she is not allowed to be in the sun drinking.   If  she is then she must have on sunscreen and a hat in addition to drinking a bottle of water between each beer.

Consequences

 If she were to break any of your  rules someone will take her back to where you’re staying and leave her there until you return from your fun day.  AND DO IT!!! 

I know this sounds childish but so does her behavior.

Expectations

Change your expectations.  The reason we often  get upset in specific  circumstances is because we are always hoping for the best or that the typical will get better.  When you do that and something negative happens you end up being pissed off. 

Why allow her to ruin your good time? You need to change your expectations. 

Assume she’s going to make a scene.  When she does you can roll your eyes and ignore it (unless she has to be carried).  In your head you can comically rate her behavior. “That was an 80 out of 100 on her crazy scale, LOL”.  Joke with other family members about it. 

I guess when you think about it this is making the best of a bad situation.

I wish you the best.  

Good Luck to you Dreading Vacation!

Sincerely,

Leanne