How Do I Get My Boyfriend to Talk to Me?

Have you chosen a partner who won’t open up and talk to you? Do you ask him about his day and he says, “it was fine.”  Do you ask her about a business trip and she says, “it was good”.  How can you have a healthy relationship if you don’t talk.

You Cant!

Lack of Communication

It’s very common for there to be a lack of communication in a relationship.  We aren’t born with words and even when we learn to use them we don’t necessarily know how to use them to effectively communicate in a relationship.

When someone on Facebook posts the question “what should be taught in school” I always comment “Relationship communication”. 

Regardless of what we do in or with our lives we’re going to have to communicate.  We have to interact in all aspects of our lives from job interviews to ordering a pizza. 

Try Using These Tools

There are a couple of things you can try to help your partner open up a bit.  Addressing the elephant in the room is probably the first thing you should try.  The elephant is the fact that they don’t talk to you and that very issue is not discussed.  

Here’s some ways to start the conversation.

“Do you notice that when I ask you questions you don’t seem to want to engage in a conversation with me?  Do you not want to talk?  I would love to have more time talking with you even if it’s just about your day”.

Or

“Have you noticed that we don’t talk much?  I ask a question and you give me a brief answer and that’s it.  You really don’t even ask me anything.  I would like us to talk more.  Are you interested in doing that?”

If your partner is willing, here’s a great article to help them get in touch with what’s going on with him.  I want out but don’t know why.

Intimacy

As you know, you cannot underestimate the importance of communication in a relationship.  Without it, there is no intimacy.  Intimacy is sharing your deepest feeling with someone you feel safe with and that you feel a deep connection with. 

If there isn’t communication then clearly your partner isn’t interested in a connected relationship or they don’t know how to have one.

Options

If you find yourself with a partner who is not willing to talk, you may only have 2 options.

• You settle.  Leave things the way they are and stay unhappy or be happy regardless.
• Work on it together.  They must want the relationship and are willing to work on it.  

Here are a few suggestions to work on it:

Work together through the book Hold me Tight by Susan Johnson. 

Start therapy with a good couple’s therapist.

Read my ebook Nine Key Strategies to a Great Relationship.  Implement them and study what works for both of you. 

• You end the relationship and find someone who meets your needs and communicates healthily.