We’re all looking for the perfect Healthy Relationship. While ‘perfect’ positive relationships might not exist, it is important to evaluate the health of your relationship periodically.
In the beginning stages of a new relationship we fantasize what it will ultimately be like further down the road. There is a reason falling in love feels so good. You can learn more about that in my article “Why Falling in Love Feels So Good”.
The truth is that when it comes to spending the rest of your life with someone, attraction and fantasy aren’t enough. A healthy long-term relationship requires much more than just the initial attraction.
When a new relationship develops into a long-term relationship it’s important to evaluate the presence of the proven healthy behaviors which keep the relationship healthy.
Below are the 7 Most Important Signs of a Healthy Relationship.
Good Communication and Intimacy
Good communication exists in an environment where each partner feels free to express all their thoughts and feelings. Most couples communicate about plans, meals, how their day was and where the kids are, for example. While this is one type of good communication it’s not the most important.
The most important type of good communication is actually considered to be intimate communication. You’d be shocked by the number of couple I have seen over the years that believe intimacy is just sex. Don’t get me wrong, sexual relationships are important too.
Intimacy is actually the communication between the couple which leads them to feel connected and close. Intimate communication exists in an environment where each partner feels comfortable and safe to express all their deepest thoughts and feelings.
Intimate communication leads to intimate relationships.
Commitments
A commitment does not mean a couple must be married. In addition, marriage does not unfortunately mean the partners are committed. There is risk in every relationship.
Commitment means both partners will act in a manner that shows they are engaged in the quality of the relationship. They will consider each other as partners heading in the same direction without actions that will derail the relationship.
As hard as it may be, a committed couple will work through their issues and resolve their conflict even if it requires the help of a professional.
Respect
Respect is the positive regard for your partner’s feelings, wishes and rights. If I were to tell my husband that I feel very hurt when he yells at me loudly yet he continues to do it, he is disrespecting how I feel. If he stops yelling loudly then he is showing me he respects my feelings. Treating me in healthy ways shows me he respects me.
Mutual respect is highly important in a healthy relationship. A couple focused on the happiness and care of one another and the relationship will feel respect.
Trust and Honesty
Trust and honesty go hand in hand because both provide us with peace of mind. Couples who do not have trust and honesty tend to have jealousy, insecurities and drama.
A healthy couple will allow their partner the freedom to be who they are without reproach. When my husband goes to work every day I don’t ever have the thought that maybe he lied to me and is at a bar. Over the years he has proven to me that he can be trusted and thus I do.
If you live in fear of your partner hurting you in one way or another, you do not have the trust which needs to exist in a healthy relationship.
Support and Nurturing
We all start relationships with a little bit of self doubt. Depending on how we are treated by our partner the doubt either goes away or gets bigger.
Support and nurturing is the investment we make in the growth and development of one another. It can be helping one another through a hard time. It can mean uplifting one another though a new step in life like going back to school or running a marathon.
Support and nurturing can mean taking care of and having empathy for one another when health issues arise.
A partner who is nurtured and supported will feel positive about themselves and the direction their life is taking. A positive relationship will always include a couple who are supportive and nurturing to one another. For instance, a partner who is trying new things such as going to school or developing a new hobby will be encouraged by their partner.
Conflict Resolution
So often couples come to therapy with one or both of them having years of resentment. Unresolved conflicts lead lnegative feeling toward their partner that can grow over time. When resentment increases the quality of the relationship decreases.
For a couple to be healthy they need to have the ability to resolve all the conflicts they are faced with. They don’t necessarily have to agree. Sometimes resolution is agreeing to disagree.
Couples who talk through their issues in a calm and safe manner tend to feel closer when the issue is resolved. It’s not easy. Conflict resolution takes practice and skill. Each needs to be able to take responsibility for their part in a conflict in order to resolve it. If there is a history of abusive behaviors the couple and/or the abusive partner needs professional help. In addition, if there are mental health issues it’s a good idea have those addressed by a professional. Knowing how to resolve conflict is a key to a health relationship.
Affection and Sex
Most people have some needs for physical closeness. For some people it’s a short hug that provides them with their needs for affection. For others it can be quality time that make them feel their physical needs have been met. Sexual activity of some kind is part of most healthy relationships.
The need for sexual activity and touch is different for everyone. A healthy couple is able to find the balance which will provide both partners the affection and sexual relationship they are happy with.
All long-term relationships are hard and require some work. Certainly there are many more key components you’ll find in healthy romantic relationships. The list above however are those that are proven to keep a relationship on track and a have a good chance of lasting.
Explore the list above to see how your relationship measures up. To determine if your relationship has the signs of a Healthy Relationship, download my ebook How Do I Make It Better? Relationship Appraisal.
If you’re finding there are areas which need improvement, take the time with your partner to work on them. Increase the connection to become good romantic partners. Establish healthy boundaries. If you’ve tried with little success, contact a marriage counselor or therapist.
It’s can be hard to keep the love alive. In my article you’ll find a list of tips to keeping the love alive. For example,
- Focus on the positive
- Address one another’s needs
- …
With a little help you can have the healthy relationship you’re looking for!
